Crawling into Fall

The seasons come and go and they represent different things to people. Some like spring and summer, while others like fall and winter. My momma always told me she could not wait for birthday, because she knew spring was coming. She was more depressed in the winter and spring was a sign of renewal for her. Many of you know Kayla died three and half hours before my birthday, and I honestly dread it now. How can it be celebratory when I know a part of me died. I referenced Ecclesiastes 3 in my book where it says there are seasons for everything. Verse two states, "a time to be born and a time to die." I know God gives us a birthday and a death day, but it seems harder to lose someone when they are young and blooming. I told Robby yesterday that I dread the fall coming, because that means holidays. As one of my grands said, "It feels strange moving forward and living our lives without her." I do not know how to celebrate a holiday without her. She was always the centerpiece at the table. She would tell those elaborate outlandish things she had done and have us all laughing. All those thanksgivings and Christmas gatherings at grandmas where all the kids were wild as goats. I do not know if I should just have one big gathering or have a quiet gathering. I ask for for your prayers, as I am in uncharted waters and it is hard to navigate them. I have to trust in God's plan. I may not understand it now, but I will one day. The Psalms have such beautiful and elegant verses on healing and hurting. I take comfort in Psalm 147:3, "He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds." Our wounds can be very deep, and our healing will have a big scar. Kayla was hardheaded and feisty, but she touched a lot of people. One reached out to me about a month ago, and he said he had just read where Kayla had passed. He has been overseas and off of social media. But he wanted me to know that he thought so much of Kayla, as she had helped him in dark times. And I believe that is what we should all do, help each other in our darkest hour. God asks us to be a light in a dark world. So, if we see someones light growing dim, let us shine some of ours their way.

Dawn Renee